Moving on...

 

Everybody likes a good story, right?

Imagine if you will, the most beautiful, exquisitely tactile storybook cover you have ever come across. Run your hands along the front and you will feel the threaded beads and sequins that have been lovingly added to over the years. They glitter and sparkle as the light hits upon the front, ricocheting rainbows beams far and wide. You can’t help but hold it tightly and lovingly to your heart.

This particular book cover contains pages upon pages of words and they dance upon the paper like spells, conjuring up magic and mystery for all who step into the tales of the Quirky Cow.

The storyline has its main character and like all good books, it has a beginning, a middle and at some point, as the law of life dictates, an end.

The general plot has its tragedies, adversities, and its triumphs. And there are stories within stories woven together with love and gratitude.

This book is a biography, and for the purpose of this particular chapter, the readers are not required to know about the contents of said book. That can be saved for another day.

What is most pressing for the writer to convey in this moment, is the special and unique way the pages have been held together with careful stitching and meticulous gluing over the years. Some pages are torn and stained, but they only add to the charm. The book cover is well thumbed, acting as a comforter during challenging times. It contains all the knowledge and the wisdom the author has learnt over the years and has become as familiar as a faithful old friend.  Breathing in the smell as I thumb through the pages reminds me of how far I have come and how far I have evolved.

But as with all things in life, and just like a good book, they must come to an end and as difficult as it may be. One must let go.

As the author, I need to express that this ending was unexpected, and I was unprepared. Somehow, in my naivety, the story was to continue in the manner and style I have always been accustomed to, and I did not feel ready to end in the way it has happened. Marriage and weddings and home sharing were never jotted down in my most recent draft. Striving out alone, living unorthodoxly, tenaciously creating magic single-handedly, proving to the world that anything is possible, however, was.

I never imagined that finding true love would change the course of time. Indeed, writing a romantic novel certainly was the furthest from my mind.

So now, despite my resistance, a thread has been broken and it is only now that it dawns on me, it was because of my resistance, that the carefully sewn stitches finally snap and starts to unravel my precious book. All the painstakingly pieced together pages fall apart.

Initially, I grappled about desperately holding on to my precious manuscript for dear life. I thought I could see the life that I knew ebbing rapidly away. But as I breathe deeply, I allow myself to let go in peace and relinquish the false belief that I have things in my control, in each breath, I discover that all may not be lost. Pages have not flown away lost forever in the ether, but rather they are retained cozily within their colourfully stitched indexes.

My well-worn book cover has loosened its binding enough to make room for new pages. I shall miss the familiarity and the comfort of my old book cover. I came to identify myself with it. Who am I without it?

But as I sit with the pain of letting go, I slowly become aware that the essence of who I am is within the pages and not their bounded cover. I discover, some of its vibrant colour have bled through some pages. Forever immortalized by transmuting energy from which it was created, into the new.

There will still be times when I weep and feel bereft for what once was. But I shall remember the old times and as with any good author, I will continue to write and weave my magic. This time, not as a solo dreamer, but inspired and motivated by my muse, my future husband, and so from our dreams together, a new volume will arise, updated and fresh.

The stories will rewrite themselves, filled with even more love and gratitude. Together we will collaborate and create a brand-new cover that will lovingly cradle our dreams and our visions, we will be invincible, and our book will be indestructible.

My book cover does not define my identity. The contents inside are what matters.

March 2023