How 'Love' took me to Peru

 

People asked me, ‘Why Peru?’ I would answer perhaps somewhat flippantly, because I fell in love.

Ok. So maybe it wasn’t the kind of deep long-lasting love affair that one would expect from falling in love. Looking back on it now, it was more the idea of ‘being in love’ and what it had shown me in the brief encounter that I had with him that gave me the courage to make my journey…….

I had always been the kind of person who has been content with where I lived, my home and all my animals I share it with. I would tell my more adventurous friends, why would need to travel when I live in one of the most beautiful parts of Hampshire? I don’t need to see the world when I have fields and trees to look out onto every day.

But the truth was, it was fear talking. Deep down, the very thought of leaving my comfort zone to spend time in unfamiliar territory totally petrified me. I don’t think I even knew it myself at the time. Or maybe I just blocked it out, unwilling to confront my fears.

But gradually over a period of the last year, something inside of me started to change. I no longer felt comfortable living, thinking and behaving the way I did. A lot of repeating thought patterns I have had most of my life were no longer constructive or indeed positive to how I wanted to live now. As uncomfortable as it made me feel at the time, I knew I had to let go of these self-protective mechanisms. The question was, how?

As these things so often happen, when one puts out a question to the universe and lets’ go of it, somehow, the answers come back at the time when one is ready to listen. Or in my case, when I still wasn’t quite ready to accept the answer, the solution was forced upon me! And that’s where a lovely lady called Jemima comes into my life through a mutual acquaintance
Jemima is an EFT coach. Up until a year ago, I had never even heard of it, but an ex colleague of mine randomly got in touch asking me if I wanted to go to an Emotional Freedom technique workshop as her friend was starting up a class. I agreed and two weeks later I was at Jemima’s class not having a clue what to expect.
To cut a long story short, I came out that session with a sense of release and nightmares about my parents selling our family home that I had suffered for months suddenly stopped from that night onwards. Something in my head had shifted and it felt good. I wanted more of that, but fearful of how deep my anxieties and insecurities ran in my psyche, I knew that whatever crap that needed shifting it wasn’t going to be easy and I was scared of revealing my most private and inner feelings. I didn’t want to expose that vulnerability to anyone, let alone myself! And so I kept putting the task of phoning Jemima off.
Days and then weeks went by. I eventually booked a week camping in Alderney promising myself that I would see Jemima after I got back, but the universe had other plans! A day before I was due to leave, I found an email from Jemima asking how I had been since her group session and telling me if I ever wanted to see her again for a 1-1 session, to let her know.
I didn’t need to be asked twice, I emailed back straight away to say I was about to go away for a week and so unless she could fit me in at the weekend before I left, we would have to wait til I got back. Five minutes later I got a reply. She was free that Saturday morning and could I come over at ten. I was due to leave in the afternoon but it still gave me time to see her!
I was with Jemima for the best part of two hours. I would say they were probably the most emotionally gruelling two hours of my life. I don’t think I had ever cried so much in my whole life, however despite all of this, I came out of her home, feeling on top of the world!

And so I went to Alderney having shed my old skin where I met the ‘man of my dreams’.

He was young, he was full of life and he was living like he had the whole life ahead of him, something I realised I hadn’t been doing for quite some time because of my fears.
We spent hours on the beach just chatting. I had never met a man so easy to talk to, so open. We talked about many things on a wide range of topics. I remember every word we spoke to this day.
He re-lit my spark. He reminded me how much passion I have inside of myself for life, for my art and to not be afraid to express it. He gave my confidence back. He had a zest for travel, he told me the world was for exploring and indeed, it was those very words that fell from his American lips on a tiny island inside of the UK on a warm balmy evening in August that got me to start exploring the world for myself.

Fast forward three months and I found myself on a plane 3000 miles from home heading off to South America.
The furthest I’d ever been was Canada for my 21^st. That was over 15yrs ago and I wasn’t on my own back then.
This time I was alone and I felt scared! But I was also excited, exhilarated, apprehensive and tearful all rolled in one. I was scared because I didn’t know what to expect, I was apprehensive because I wasn’t sure if I could cope being on my own in a country where I didn’t speak the language, I was excited because I was about to introduce my senses to a whole new culture, I was tearful because I was scared and happy all at the same time. And I was exhilarated because all my emotions were hanging onto the fact that I was on the brink of the unknown and that was one of the most exhilarating liberating situations I’d ever been in and I felt proud of myself for conquering my fears.

Peru was an experience I shall never forget. I volunteered in an orphanage for the first week where I witnessed humanity at its best. I cruised the city of Cusco i was staying in and forged new friendships. I travelled for hundreds of miles in a country that still had hundreds more to explore and i saw humanity at its worst. I saw the largest Canyon in the world and had my first sighting of Condors flying in the wild. I swam in natural hot springs with mountains as a backdrop. I walked to Machu Pichu and then ran down it. I drank coca tea and chewed on the leaves. I sat in bars and cafes on my own, I sketched on park benches and got accosted by crazy peruvians all at the same time. I even got to do some Street Art!
These were just some of my memories of Peru, the good and the bad, the beautiful and the ugly. Those and many more, have all helped make me the woman that i am today. I feel truly blessed.

An Epic Fairy Tale.

Once upon a time, a long long time ago, there lived a little girl who believed in fairy tales. This little girl believed in fairies, elves, pixies and Trolls, magic and spells. And just like the stories she used to read, she lived her life amongst them all, enchanted by the mystery of life and believing that good would conquer the evil and that her prince would one day whisk her away.

Eventually that little girl grew up and became cynical, she gave up believing in magic and lost her enchantment for the world, but one thing she never stopped believing in was her belief that one day, just like her books, her knight in shining armour would come and rescue her from the depths of darkness, they would fall in love and live happily ever after. She walked around in life existing purely for that very day to happen and sometimes she thought that day did happen –in fact she thought it happened a few times but alas, it wasn’t to be and so she continued to grow more cynical and sadder as each day, each month and each year passed on.

Then one day not so long ago she woke up and realised it was all a dream. She gradually re-kindled her love for magic and begun once again to live her life through the eyes of that innocent little girl all those years ago. Only this time she made one small change. She cast a spell upon herself. It was a spell of pure love. That love grew from deep inside the Solar Plexus that at first was only meant for herself, it helped to heal all her old wounds and strengthened her emotionally and spiritually. Gradually it extended outwards to all whom touched her life, the love became overwhelming and overflowed onto paper and canvas in splattering’s of colour and scribbling’s’ of letters. She found the more she painted and the more she wrote the happier she was, her life was filled with magic, creativity, imagination and enchantment once again and she realised that she didn’t need her knight in shining armour to make her happy and complete after all.

She finally started to live her life without the confines of fear of being alone, of being a failure or trying to be someone she wasn’t and for the first time ever she was able to look herself in the mirror and ask who the fairest of them all was and be happy with the answer that came back.

The End.

 

NB The picture above is courtesy of the front cover of a much loved book from my childhood. Illustrated by Steven Cartwright. His work has probably helped to influence my own artwork.

A Fresh start

A New Year means new beginnings for many of us, I among them.

However, I don’t believe that one should wait till the start of a new year to start making changes. I decided to take control and make changes to my life in the summer of 2012 at least 6mths from the traditional resolution date!

This year I look upon the last one as a gaining of wisdom and knowledge to prepare me for the forthcoming year of 2013. I’m not sure what is in hold for me. I have ideas and dreams, but they are always changing dependant on my moods’ and they change often! So all I can do is be the best person I can be, to live up to my highest potential, to be kind and understanding and to live my life with compassion and humility.

And rather than make a load of resolutions, which more often or not would have been left on the wayside by Valentine’s Day, I have decided to make goals instead. That way, they will enable me to move forward in life but if by the end of the year, the goals are unachieved, at least I will be at peace rather than feeling a failure, knowing that I have moved at least 1 step nearer to my intended goals. They will keep me moving forward and if they change in the meantime, then that’s ok too.
After all, it’s not the destination that counts, but rather the journey itself.