I am writing this
over the Autumn Equinox. It is a special time of year for me, much like the
change of seasons, it is important to me that I honour those periods of lull in
my own life too.
There is time for
business and activity but there is also a time for quiet, a time for reflection
and the period over the Autumn Equinox is one of those.This summer has been an amazing one, with many freebies gifted to us for festivals and shows. New art workshop opportunities came along, where I was challenged to overcome one of my fears of going back to school. – I ended up working at 2 schools in the end!
Closer to home, I continued to take on an active role within my village I reside in and with the Church. Against all my sceptic views, I got confirmed and changed the way I thought about Christianity.
Through all of these things and many more that I haven’t mentioned to do with family and my own relationship, I ended up working alongside many people. Some familiar and some were newly made acquaintances along the way.
A few of them challenged my own perceptions, views and beliefs and my own ideologies and to be honest it wasn’t always easy. And I just carried on doing what I thought was best, despite perhaps not always being empathetic to others. In short my ego was taking over; I was ‘Edging God Out’. (EGO)
It wasn’t until I met up with our local Priest to discuss some recent events that were to be taking place that she reminded me of something;
It may have been something to do with her White collar of goodness or just the way she was able to sit in her own peace emulating Gods love, but it struck a chord with me really deep inside. She reminded me, that whatever I felt. Everyone was doing their very best.
And it is true, everyone really is doing their very best given the knowledge we have. I was doing my best and I chose not to listen to other people because I really did think I knew it all! I was beginning to behave and say things in ways that weren’t always the best of me or for me.
I had lost my ‘Zen’ and I wasn’t listening to any other point of view or perspective.
Though it is good to be busy and to be doing stuff, it is often in the quiet times we are able to take on-board the lessons that are learnt along the way.
After my conversation with our village Priest. I did take some time out, in fact I didn’t have much choice because I ended up with a horrible cold (isn’t the human body a wonderful instrument!)
I retreated back into my studio where I have always been able to heal and to forgive and find my place back to love again.
At first I found it really hard because in order to forgive, one has to admit one has made mistakes, it was far easier to forge on with plans and ideas ignoring the past. But I knew, in order to let go of the past, I needed to integrate the lessons I learnt into my heart.
I am almost there now. I have done loads of paintings; my
heart is filling with love once more. I remember I am never alone, God is Love.
Going out my comfort
zone is challenging and fun and scary all at the same time, but it’s always
good to come back home again. Today I had a haircut. I have gone for the big chop and went really short. I symbolised this move to be shedding the old. I honour the lessons. I honour the wisdom. But now it is time to be light. I fly with my newly clipped wings.
I am guided by the light once more.
