Autumn Equinox

 I am writing this over the Autumn Equinox. It is a special time of year for me, much like the change of seasons, it is important to me that I honour those periods of lull in my own life too.

There is time for business and activity but there is also a time for quiet, a time for reflection and the period over the Autumn Equinox is one of those.

This summer has been an amazing one, with many freebies gifted to us for festivals and shows. New art workshop opportunities came along, where I was challenged to overcome one of my fears of going back to school. – I ended up working at 2 schools in the end!

Closer to home, I continued to take on an active role within my village I reside in and with the Church. Against all my sceptic views, I got confirmed and changed the way I thought about Christianity.
Through all of these things and many more that I haven’t mentioned to do with family and my own relationship, I ended up working alongside many people. Some familiar and some were newly made acquaintances along the way.
A few of them challenged my own perceptions, views and beliefs and my own ideologies and to be honest it wasn’t always easy. And I just carried on doing what I thought was best, despite perhaps not always being empathetic to others. In short my ego was taking over; I was ‘Edging God Out’. (EGO)
It wasn’t until I met up with our local Priest to discuss some recent events that were to be taking place that she reminded me of something;
It may have been something to do with her White collar of goodness or just the way she was able to sit in her own peace emulating Gods love, but it struck a chord with me really deep inside. She reminded me, that whatever I felt. Everyone was doing their very best.

And it is true, everyone really is doing their very best given the knowledge we have. I was doing my best and I chose not to listen to other people because I really did think I knew it all! I was beginning to behave and say things in ways that weren’t always the best of me or for me.
I had lost my ‘Zen’ and I wasn’t listening to any other point of view or perspective.

Though it is good to be busy and to be doing stuff, it is often in the quiet times we are able to take on-board the lessons that are learnt along the way.
After my conversation with our village Priest. I did take some time out, in fact I didn’t have much choice because I ended up with a horrible cold (isn’t the human body a wonderful instrument!)
I retreated back into my studio where I have always been able to heal and to forgive and find my place back to love again.
At first I found it really hard because in order to forgive, one has to admit one has made mistakes, it was far easier to forge on with plans and ideas ignoring the past. But I knew, in order to let go of the past, I needed to integrate the lessons I learnt into my heart.

I am almost there now. I have done loads of paintings; my heart is filling with love once more. I remember I am never alone, God is Love.

Going out my comfort zone is challenging and fun and scary all at the same time, but it’s always good to come back home again.

Today I had a haircut. I have gone for the big chop and went really short. I symbolised this move to be shedding the old. I honour the lessons. I honour the wisdom. But now it is time to be light. I fly with my newly clipped wings.
I am guided by the light once more.

God is a swear word and why i got confirmed.

I have a confession to make: I had absolutely no intention of joining the Church and becoming a Christian. But last Sunday that is exactly what I did when I got confirmed at St Johns Church, my local Church.

The Confirmation itself was wonderful. Perhaps one of the best evenings I’ve ever experienced.

The love in that space was almost tangible that night. Friends and family and various people for the regular church congregation had all turned out to witness 12 young (and not so young) people receiving the Eucharist for the first time, it was an evening I shan’t forget in a hurry.

Before we were to take our Communion though, the Bishop of Basingstoke asked me why I wanted to be confirmed. In reply, I found it easier to explain why at first I didn’t want to be confirmed;

 I believe the institution is corrupt and Religion causes war. I also do not accept being told what to do, what to think, or what to believe. However, I had always had a faith and I have come to realise that corruption is everywhere, but in all that darkness there is extreme beauty, it is where you find the brightest stars and their light shall and does shine on. And religion doesn’t cause wars. People do. Whatever religion one chooses to follow it is ultimately love they worship, because God, Allah, Buddha etc. is all of that. Anyone using Religion as an excuse to fight or to kill have not understood this message.

 My faith has always been unfathomable. When I almost died as a baby, I remember being nothing but the energy flow that is love. I was part of God. So when I did my confirmation course, it all made sense to me and yet I was still rejecting it.

The Bible I struggled with, the word God even more so, (why given a male persona I don’t understand?) And the rituals and services - so old school?!

But I still had a calling, I had an unshakeable desire to learn more.

I have learnt that Christianity is indeed a journey of discovery. And just like Matthew, Mark, Luke and John who wrote the New Testament, they too were on a journey, telling their own stories from their own experiences. And from every story, Wisdom can be sought and so I shall continue writing my own story, from my own perspective, in the hope that maybe I too can inspire others.

 

I don’t expect people to follow me; indeed I don’t even expect that Christianity is right for everyone.

What we must do in life is follow our hearts, have a faith that is true to ourselves, because in doing so you will find that you are never alone. And keep telling your stories and tell them with Love. Because if we want to see a world free from corruption, fear and hate, Love will show us the way. And if I speak as a true Christian. That’ll be God!

7 Things

Recently I have been prompted via a social network site to share with others 7 things that people do not know about me.

I don’t generally do chain requests, I prefer to take my own stance in life and really don’t like being told what I should do!

However, the request did pose a challenge to me, I like challenges and since I haven’t really got round to creating my own personal challenges for this year yet, I thought I would attempt this one.

This challenge that presented itself was one that I couldn’t immediately answer even if I wanted to and it got me thinking. I do not have an issue with sharing things; in fact many who know me would probably say I can overshare! 

However, there is a question to be asked. What 7 things do not come up in everyday conversation? 

1. I was born with Esophageal Atresia and Tracheoesophageal Fistula. Bit of a mouthful I know. As well as this, I was born with a deaf ear, under developed Kidneys and 4 thumbs. But these do not define me as a person. What they did do however was teach me a few lessons. It taught me to survive, no matter how tough the circumstances, it taught me compassion for others and it taught me that there was more to people than what was on the outside.

2. I died several times and chose life every time. At first I wasn’t sure. I bloody hated living in the body I was given. I did the whole dying experience, I spoke with my guides, my Angels and who knows, probably my ancestors too. I was given a choice to stay on this Earth plane and I saw my whole life flash before me. Of course I do not remember much now, but I do know that I am looked after and that I will always be ok. In fact, we are all ok if we all had a little more faith in our own abilities. 

3. I communicate with dead people. Ok so I’m not an exorcist. It is not even a regular occurrence. It does not scare me. It is like sometimes they reach out to me, we have conversations, I can feel what they feel, I work with my Mum and together we send them to the light.

4. I fancy woman as well as men. Always have done. For me it goes beyond the physical, I am attracted to people’s energy. Love comes in all shapes and sizes. I believe love is a feeling that cannot ever me measured or judged. We all experience such an emotion in very different ways; ones’ way of loving can never be the same as another. Love knows no boundaries.

5. When I was 24 I had an abortion and yet the love and protection I felt for the little being growing inside me was insurmountable. But I knew straight from the start that she was never meant to be born in this world. I have no regrets.  I always knew she was a girl. I named her Chloe later on in life. She visits me sometimes. She is a part of me, almost a mirror reflection. 

6. I am not looking forward to turning 40 next year. I dread it. I realise this is due to unrequited expectations. As a teenager I thought (even though I didn’t want it) that I would be married having a Mortgage and having babies by the time I was 40. I am doing neither and nor do I want to. It still doesn’t stop me from dreading my 40th year. To think I spent so many of my former years worrying about what others thought of me. Now of course I don’t care. Which is ironic really because I am capable of judging myself more harshly than anyone else could ever do!

7. I have an (enjoyable) habit to shock people. To unsettle them from their own realities. It doesn’t matter who they are or where I am. If I can get someone thinking outside the box, even if I am regarded slightly crazy then I feel I have done something worthwhile. ;-)