Facing reality

I have been waking up every morning bright eyed and bushy tailed looking forward to what the day might bring. But now, the anesthetic is finally starting to ware off which brings in itself a bittersweet experience.
The dreamlike world I was in, is leaving me, bringing in it's wake, a cold reality.
To add to the sadness, my Dad who has been with me almost everyday since i came out of hospital is returning back to work tomorrow. I will be left alone for the first time in over a week.
I know that I shall have to face my emotions buried underneath my coat of armor.
Disappointment being the main one right now. Frustration of not being able to control my face as I once did. Exhaustion by the adaptations that I have to make everyday.
Ones that haven't quite instilled into a habit yet so it's still a constant conscious battle to remember that I MUST protect my eye. The eye that never blinks, the eye that cannot close on itself when peeling an onion, or shampooing my hair. The pain that is inflicted upon it when I towel my face and the towel rubs into my eyeball. It's enough to make me want to cry, but I don't because it just spurs me on to make sure that I will make a full recovery.
I tell my Dad off for explaining to family about what happened to me and then adds at the end, 'She will never get back to how she was'. I remind him that just because the Doctors tell us so, it doesn't mean that it has to be so. I spent all my childhood proving people wrong and that fight has never gone away. I shall utilize it once more and I SHALL rise victorious.

Today we went to see my Uncle. he is on the Autistic spectrum and didn't even notice my wonky face. He just talked about his endless home improvement projects surrounded by lawnmowers and power tools inside the house.
He was looking disheveled and unkempt so my cousin and I set to work washing his hair and trimming his beard while the other cousin set about sewing up some holes in his jumper and buttons on his coat.
But he is content. I have never known anything to phase my Uncle. He is never ill and in his late 70's he is still climbing ladders doing his roof.
I have to admire him really. Among a sea of chaos and a mountain of jobs, he is an oasis of calm. He doesn't understand or even have the concept that other people around him might be a little frustrated with him. He will do things at his own pace in his own time and you can bet your bottom dollar, he will get immense pleasure and joy from whatever he will end up doing. He kept telling me about seeing the bigger picture because it will make the ending all the more worth while.
And so today I have taken that snippet of advice. My picture has only just begun, but it will get better and it will get finished just like the greatest of Master Paintings.