Regret

Every morning for the past couple of weeks I have woken up to the sound of a Bee buzzing around my flowering Geraniums adorning the outside of my bedroom window.

We are into the lovely warm evenings so the window is open wide all night breathing fresh air into my calm abode.

Each morning as my senses adjust to a new day, I listen to the Bee go about it's morning work. There is something comforting knowing that whatever the day holds, Nature will continue moving forwards, absorbed not in trivialities, but rather in each and every individual moment. It doesn't worry about the next hour, the next day or indeed the next week. It just 'Is'.

A lesson I try to take on board these days too.

Somebody in conversation almost stated that I must regret going ahead with my original surgery.

I was taken aback and before I even had a chance to respond, the conversation moved swiftly on.

The thing is, I actually don't regret a thing. Even knowing what I do now. Regret has never been part of my life story ever. I am proud of who I have become and still becoming. Without the experiences I have had, I wouldn't be the person I am today. Good and Bad experiences are only the attachment  we choose to give them.

If I think back to how I was a month ago, life looked very different. I didn't  appreciate it then, but life was easy! I am tinged with sadness. But to punish myself with any feelings of regret would be utterly destructive. My policy has always been to keep moving forward.

I feel like the tide is slowly changing for me. Sometimes I am further away from the shore than I have ever been before. But I do still see land. 

Ironically, I feel like I am not yet ready to plant myself on solid ground just yet. Summer plans have been cancelled for now. I do not have the momentum that I had a month ago. I am beginning to accept that just because plans change, it doesn't mean to say Summer is ruined. I am learning to adapt. To listen to my body and my spirit within.

I am reading much more. I cannot bear too much stimulation like the radio or TV. Crowds or loud places. Quietness is what the soul needs.

For now I will continue to bob around in the Sea. Listening and watching for the signs. I will trust that I will be guided back when I'm ready. I will keep reminding myself to stay in the moment, just like the Bee.

I do not have to drown.........