Moving forwards

The Soul Shepherdess and her Muse.

As we are approaching towards the end of January already, I have been tentatively turning my focus on what I might achieve for 2019. I have never been one to create new year resolutions, but I do like to tune into my heart and soul to explore what they need. Moving forwards is important to me.
However, that said, I find it beneficial to look back and find my learning's of the previous year. As it happens, currently I have no choice but to look back because of my legal case. It makes for uncomfortable reading and its taken a few days to process the information that has surfaced.
I have never been one to regret my experiences, but to look back at some photo's of me after surgery, I barely recognize her. The sadness I feel for her, is at times overwhelming. But what I have come to learn is that my face and my body isn't all that I am. I cohabit it, but the essence of who I am runs far far deeper than the shell I am fortunate enough to walk around in. Somebody physically broke a part of me last year but they could never break my spirit. No one can.
I have learnt that I am stronger than I ever believed I could be. If I could bottle that inner strength, I would. Sometimes I am afraid that it will elude me one day.
It is a strength that comes from love, forgiveness and a feeling that I am never alone. Call it God, call it Source, call it Gaia. But whatever it is, it isn't actually coming from me alone. Perhaps it helps to have a faith, but to me it's also been hope. A tenacious belief that things can always get better. Our time on earth is brief. I want to make the most of it and to leave a legacy striving for peaceful solutions and community cooperation.

It is perhaps also time to share the latest development in my life and introduce my Muse. I have known him for a few years. I liken him to an Ox or a Bull. He is strong physically, but emotionally too. For the first time in my life, I feel safe enough to be carried by someone other than my parents. It is not so much that I need to be carried. Last year taught me that I can do that myself! But recently it has been a real gift after all that has happened to feel loved and supported unconditionally, to feel secure enough to know that I won't be dropped or left abandoned when the going gets tough.
I don't know where this new found experience will take us, but I am determined to enjoy it for what it is. Life has far too many obstacles to navigate to be concerned about how long love might last. I prefer to look at love never dying but rather evolving.