Affairs of the heart

Two weeks ago I was in Cornwall celebrating my 42nd birthday with all the family. It was a delightful occasion and a much needed break and as I led back on my mothers lawn on that hot balmy afternoon stuffing birthday cake into my mouth, I counted my blessings to be alive and to belong to such a caring family.
So much healing has taken place over the past 6 weeks. Including between my own parents. We all pulled together during all the recent events and whatever had gone on in the past quickly dissolved and forgiveness ensued. Love really does conquer all.

Then just as you thinks you have life back in control, someone might drift into your life holding up a mirror in front of your face forcing you to take a long hard look at yourself and sometimes the reflection looking right back isn't the one you like and so perhaps you make small changes to make the reflection more appealing.
And sometimes, somebody comes along breaking you clean in a million pieces leaving you grappling to reassemble the broken bits, but you know that you'll never be the same again.
It's a good opportunity to take stock and take only the bits that work for you now. It'll make you feel uncomfortable. It could even be painful, letting go of the pieces that no longer serve you, but you know deep down it must be done, if not now, it'll only rear its head again in the future.
I have realized in recent years that every decision I have made is out of functionality and practicality, down to the haircut I have, the clothes I wear and the relationships I choose. It helps me to devote my time on my own personal development, learning new skills and absorbing knowledge so that I can be the best person that I can be. My life purpose is one of service to others. I am always impatient to be the change that I want to see. Time I believed was off the essence. I blindly followed that path until recently when new circumstances arrived that made me question everything that has helped me to be who I am. My integrity has been pushed to the limits and as I look down at my scattered parts, I find that some have been missing all along. I have been walking around with great gaps in me. I wasn't even aware, perhaps all my busyness of making the world a better place had been an escape from my present situation but now that I have been reawakened, I cannot forget. It's time to  reset my compass. 'What if there was another way?'
In the meantime, while all the personal stuff is going on, life is still moving forward. I have just attended an introductory course on Soul Midwifery It was something I was reminded about when I was in hospital and so I followed it up once I got back home.
Death is a certain. Do I want to continue life as I am, or do I need to make changes to fill the empty voids in my life before I die? And the next question is, if I do, then how?