To the One.

To the one who plays the victim. You say it’s never been your fault and blame circumstances. People, Your up-bringing, your parents.

TAKE OWNERSHIP. Empower yourself. Take the lessons that were given to you as life experiences and be the better person because of it. Share your stories.  

To the one who plays it safe and remaining in your comfort zone.

GET THE FUCK OUT OF IT! Even for once in a while. Broaden your Community. Find new experiences. Meet new people. Don’t just stick around with the same old faces who will only serve to strengthen your already limiting beliefs.

To the one who lives spiritually doing yoga, meditation & forever ‘being the light’.

ACHKNOWLEDGE THE DARKNESS THAT IS INSIDE ALL OF US. Be active. DO stuff, anything in your power to actively change the world around you. Whofting around being all love & light just doesn’t cut it. We are given the gift of life. Use it.

To the one who uses excuses.

RECOGNISE YOUR FEAR. And then do something about it. Life IS too short. Don’t hide behind your mediocre excuses. They do not serve your highest power. Fear is the same vibration as excitement. Feel it in your bones and do it anyway.

To the one who ‘can’t do it’.

LEARN! If you can’t do something, take lessons. Ask someone who can. Find a way. If you don’t want to learn, dig deep, get passionate and find something that will drive you. Don’t ever stagnate in old beliefs, old opinions and old ways of doing things. Move with the times.

To the one who is passive aggressive.

GET ANGRY! Hell it’s in there. So find the fire in your belly, feel the power and let yourself roar! Use that energy and channel it to your highest good. It is never something to be afraid of.

To the one who is Angry.

EXPLORE the source of your anger. Express it and allow it to move freely. Do not blame others for your reactions. Choose to soften. Choose forgiveness.

To the one who gives up too easily.

DON’T ever give up. Keep going. Small steps and keep moving forwards. Don’t ever look back. Regrets serve no purpose.

To the one who plays it small.

DO THE WORLD A FAVOUR and play it large. What use can anyone ever be to the world if we were too afraid to be the best on the planet?! It is what we choose to do with our wealth, our power, our money, our privilege that makes us who we are. We can do great things with them.

To the one who suffers from disabilities and poor health.

DO NOT ALLOW IT TO DEFINE YOU. Keep doing everything in your power to find and remain in good health as much as you can. Do not focus on what you can’t do, but find all the things you can do and do them well.

 

To us all.

LIVE BOLDLY. LIVE FEARLESSLY. LIVE PASSIONATLY. STRIVE FOR EQUALITY, FOR HUMANITY AND WITH LOVE IN OUR HEARTS.

Autumn Equinox

 I am writing this over the Autumn Equinox. It is a special time of year for me, much like the change of seasons, it is important to me that I honour those periods of lull in my own life too.

There is time for business and activity but there is also a time for quiet, a time for reflection and the period over the Autumn Equinox is one of those.

This summer has been an amazing one, with many freebies gifted to us for festivals and shows. New art workshop opportunities came along, where I was challenged to overcome one of my fears of going back to school. – I ended up working at 2 schools in the end!

Closer to home, I continued to take on an active role within my village I reside in and with the Church. Against all my sceptic views, I got confirmed and changed the way I thought about Christianity.
Through all of these things and many more that I haven’t mentioned to do with family and my own relationship, I ended up working alongside many people. Some familiar and some were newly made acquaintances along the way.
A few of them challenged my own perceptions, views and beliefs and my own ideologies and to be honest it wasn’t always easy. And I just carried on doing what I thought was best, despite perhaps not always being empathetic to others. In short my ego was taking over; I was ‘Edging God Out’. (EGO)
It wasn’t until I met up with our local Priest to discuss some recent events that were to be taking place that she reminded me of something;
It may have been something to do with her White collar of goodness or just the way she was able to sit in her own peace emulating Gods love, but it struck a chord with me really deep inside. She reminded me, that whatever I felt. Everyone was doing their very best.

And it is true, everyone really is doing their very best given the knowledge we have. I was doing my best and I chose not to listen to other people because I really did think I knew it all! I was beginning to behave and say things in ways that weren’t always the best of me or for me.
I had lost my ‘Zen’ and I wasn’t listening to any other point of view or perspective.

Though it is good to be busy and to be doing stuff, it is often in the quiet times we are able to take on-board the lessons that are learnt along the way.
After my conversation with our village Priest. I did take some time out, in fact I didn’t have much choice because I ended up with a horrible cold (isn’t the human body a wonderful instrument!)
I retreated back into my studio where I have always been able to heal and to forgive and find my place back to love again.
At first I found it really hard because in order to forgive, one has to admit one has made mistakes, it was far easier to forge on with plans and ideas ignoring the past. But I knew, in order to let go of the past, I needed to integrate the lessons I learnt into my heart.

I am almost there now. I have done loads of paintings; my heart is filling with love once more. I remember I am never alone, God is Love.

Going out my comfort zone is challenging and fun and scary all at the same time, but it’s always good to come back home again.

Today I had a haircut. I have gone for the big chop and went really short. I symbolised this move to be shedding the old. I honour the lessons. I honour the wisdom. But now it is time to be light. I fly with my newly clipped wings.
I am guided by the light once more.

God is a swear word and why i got confirmed.

I have a confession to make: I had absolutely no intention of joining the Church and becoming a Christian. But last Sunday that is exactly what I did when I got confirmed at St Johns Church, my local Church.

The Confirmation itself was wonderful. Perhaps one of the best evenings I’ve ever experienced.

The love in that space was almost tangible that night. Friends and family and various people for the regular church congregation had all turned out to witness 12 young (and not so young) people receiving the Eucharist for the first time, it was an evening I shan’t forget in a hurry.

Before we were to take our Communion though, the Bishop of Basingstoke asked me why I wanted to be confirmed. In reply, I found it easier to explain why at first I didn’t want to be confirmed;

 I believe the institution is corrupt and Religion causes war. I also do not accept being told what to do, what to think, or what to believe. However, I had always had a faith and I have come to realise that corruption is everywhere, but in all that darkness there is extreme beauty, it is where you find the brightest stars and their light shall and does shine on. And religion doesn’t cause wars. People do. Whatever religion one chooses to follow it is ultimately love they worship, because God, Allah, Buddha etc. is all of that. Anyone using Religion as an excuse to fight or to kill have not understood this message.

 My faith has always been unfathomable. When I almost died as a baby, I remember being nothing but the energy flow that is love. I was part of God. So when I did my confirmation course, it all made sense to me and yet I was still rejecting it.

The Bible I struggled with, the word God even more so, (why given a male persona I don’t understand?) And the rituals and services - so old school?!

But I still had a calling, I had an unshakeable desire to learn more.

I have learnt that Christianity is indeed a journey of discovery. And just like Matthew, Mark, Luke and John who wrote the New Testament, they too were on a journey, telling their own stories from their own experiences. And from every story, Wisdom can be sought and so I shall continue writing my own story, from my own perspective, in the hope that maybe I too can inspire others.

 

I don’t expect people to follow me; indeed I don’t even expect that Christianity is right for everyone.

What we must do in life is follow our hearts, have a faith that is true to ourselves, because in doing so you will find that you are never alone. And keep telling your stories and tell them with Love. Because if we want to see a world free from corruption, fear and hate, Love will show us the way. And if I speak as a true Christian. That’ll be God!

7 Things

Recently I have been prompted via a social network site to share with others 7 things that people do not know about me.

I don’t generally do chain requests, I prefer to take my own stance in life and really don’t like being told what I should do!

However, the request did pose a challenge to me, I like challenges and since I haven’t really got round to creating my own personal challenges for this year yet, I thought I would attempt this one.

This challenge that presented itself was one that I couldn’t immediately answer even if I wanted to and it got me thinking. I do not have an issue with sharing things; in fact many who know me would probably say I can overshare! 

However, there is a question to be asked. What 7 things do not come up in everyday conversation? 

1. I was born with Esophageal Atresia and Tracheoesophageal Fistula. Bit of a mouthful I know. As well as this, I was born with a deaf ear, under developed Kidneys and 4 thumbs. But these do not define me as a person. What they did do however was teach me a few lessons. It taught me to survive, no matter how tough the circumstances, it taught me compassion for others and it taught me that there was more to people than what was on the outside.

2. I died several times and chose life every time. At first I wasn’t sure. I bloody hated living in the body I was given. I did the whole dying experience, I spoke with my guides, my Angels and who knows, probably my ancestors too. I was given a choice to stay on this Earth plane and I saw my whole life flash before me. Of course I do not remember much now, but I do know that I am looked after and that I will always be ok. In fact, we are all ok if we all had a little more faith in our own abilities. 

3. I communicate with dead people. Ok so I’m not an exorcist. It is not even a regular occurrence. It does not scare me. It is like sometimes they reach out to me, we have conversations, I can feel what they feel, I work with my Mum and together we send them to the light.

4. I fancy woman as well as men. Always have done. For me it goes beyond the physical, I am attracted to people’s energy. Love comes in all shapes and sizes. I believe love is a feeling that cannot ever me measured or judged. We all experience such an emotion in very different ways; ones’ way of loving can never be the same as another. Love knows no boundaries.

5. When I was 24 I had an abortion and yet the love and protection I felt for the little being growing inside me was insurmountable. But I knew straight from the start that she was never meant to be born in this world. I have no regrets.  I always knew she was a girl. I named her Chloe later on in life. She visits me sometimes. She is a part of me, almost a mirror reflection. 

6. I am not looking forward to turning 40 next year. I dread it. I realise this is due to unrequited expectations. As a teenager I thought (even though I didn’t want it) that I would be married having a Mortgage and having babies by the time I was 40. I am doing neither and nor do I want to. It still doesn’t stop me from dreading my 40th year. To think I spent so many of my former years worrying about what others thought of me. Now of course I don’t care. Which is ironic really because I am capable of judging myself more harshly than anyone else could ever do!

7. I have an (enjoyable) habit to shock people. To unsettle them from their own realities. It doesn’t matter who they are or where I am. If I can get someone thinking outside the box, even if I am regarded slightly crazy then I feel I have done something worthwhile. ;-)

  

My views on boxes and labels.

I had a rough deal during my school years. Truth be told, I think most of us did at some stage or another, be it through teasing and bullying to our own internal battles that no one else knew about but ourselves.

I remember Primary school when I eventually got well enough to attend full-time; I had missed out on the vital social development. I didn’t have any friends and those I did have either moved away shortly after we formed a bond or we changed classes. I was also teased and considered a bit of an outcast and to be fair, I exasperated the situation by playing on it. I guess even then I revelled at being ‘different’.
I was also a very angry girl; I was disruptive, aggressive and misunderstood. But because I was desperate to fit in too, I used my anger to make positive changes asides from destructive ones. This continued right throughout my teenage and adult life until last year I decided that my anger wasn't working for me anymore.

One particular memory that springs to mind was the day I scored a whole rounder for my team. I had always been a weak player and was quite often the last girl to be picked by the team captain. But the day I won for our team, when it came to my turn to bat, I channelled my anger into making my bat come into contact with the ball. I whacked it with all my might and with such velocity, the ball sored over our heads and beyond, it eventually (and it seemed like eternity when it did) landed at the very end of our playing field! I repeated this magical experience on every turn I had in that game.
That day changed my peers opinion of me and in turn changed my remaining years at primary school from miserable and lonely to happy and secure ones. Perhaps I did have something to offer to my classmates after all?!
I also became an amazing deep fielder, catching any ball that headed my way, I even got confident enough to make the most magnificent aerobatic dives any professional cricketer would’ve been proud of! Over time not only was I the first girl to be chosen for a team, I eventually became team captain and my heart swelled with pride.

And that’s when at the age of 9, I became aware of how I felt I could make a difference to someone else’s life by my own actions. Instead of automatically choosing the best for my team I went to the kids who were deemed hopeless, I picked them first rather than last. I still remember the groans and moans I got from my team mates, but in my little 9yr old mind I was determined that no other kid should endure the humiliation that I had done by being the last to be picked. I didn’t want anyone else to feel unworthy and having opportunities denied because they were looked upon as being rubbish or a failure. I wanted to encourage them, give them confidence and above all show them that I believed in them even if no-one else would.
Sadly for me, Secondary school would be another matter once again, but one to be written about for another time.

Looking back on this and various other memories, I understand now that these experiences have set me up for the life journey that I am now on. I am grateful for a chance meeting of an acquaintance a year ago who introduced me to her friend who was an EFT Matrix Re-imprinting practitioner. It was she who helped me to work through many personal issues that had inhibited my own personal & spiritual growth and become trained as a practitioner myself. It has helped me understand all my life experiences and that even the bad ones has helped shape me into the woman that I am today.

I am also grateful to a friend who’s family moved into the same village where I was brought up and who by chance (although nothing in the universe as it happens is by chance) was born with the very same condition as myself. She is very good with statistics whereas my memory fails me when it comes to numbers. But as I understand it, we are one in every two hundred and fifty thousand to be born and amazingly we end up in the same small village?! My Mum ended up child-minding her and her brother before and after school. But at 7yrs her senior, I at the age of 13 didn’t have much to do with her at the time. Over the years though, we have since become good friends.

Like many of us born with Esophageal Atresia and Tracheoesophageal Fistula (yeah its a mouthful) it comes with varying complications. I do not know the full list of problems my friend has experienced, nor do I know or understand the full extent of health issues I have, other than fused bones and bones that have gone a little AWOL. It’s not until with age when things become more noticeable that it gets investigated and things come to light.  We generally have far better things to do than focus on what inhibits us in life.
But one of the issues with my friend is an inability to comprehend subtle body language and difficulty (more so in in the past) with social engagement. With age she has learnt to adapt because like me, she is unwilling to give up or accept her own limitations. The mind if not the body is a powerful tool.
The medical profession has labelled her with Aspergers. She herself isn’t all that convinced with the diagnosis but has gone along with it because it makes those of us who don’t understand more comfortable with the situation in front of us.
But through years of those limited beliefs put in place both by ourselves and others, it has at times been hard to prove anything other than living alongside those set of guidelines and safety nets that are put in place for our own protection; Protection, as I perceive it, is just something that stems from fear, it is a cloak to prevent either ourselves or others we care about from getting hurt. Of course, there are extremes of this but in being over-protective we prevent ourselves and loved ones to any sort of personal and spiritual development. One of the hardest things being a parent I would imagine is letting your child go, to go forth in our world, to watch them make mistakes and to see them get hurt, but in doing so, you are giving the greatest gift one could give a child. And I speak not because I am a parent but because I still remember being a child.

Before I go on, I want to make it clear that there is no blame towards anyone or anything. We are all responsible for how we choose to feel and react. These are merely my  observations based on my own experiences.

But it is interesting how society and the government put us in boxes with labels to help people like my friend and like many others ‘worse off’ and I use that term loosely for it is only through personal perception that we may feel some are worse off than others.
By giving diagnosis to a problem, is effectively giving another label to make those around them more comfortable and accepting of them, thus in turn avoids the real issues.
The real issues being that we are all unique. For example, my friend and I were born with the same rare condition – it was fixed but underneath are much deeper complexities that have to be dealt with and treated in our own unique way that is healthy and right for each of us as individuals and sometimes that will take time due to the very nature of the issues involved – Time  that society doesn’t seem to allow, because of the pressure of back to work schemes, financial worries, even bullying etc and don't get me started on the education system!
And then there are folk who for whatever reason are unable to maintain a  part-time job let alone a full-time one. I do not believe this gives the goverment the right to force them to work nor a reason to throw them on the scrap heap, but rather to be encouraged in finding out and reaching their full potential in whatever it may be, whatever form it may come in and however unconventional it may seem.

I myself have been guilty of living by my own limitations. For instance, I am deaf in one ear. I have always avoided interacting in large groups due to difficultly in hearing. However over time, I have learnt to adapt, I can now explain to complete strangers that I have to move to my ‘good side’ so that I can hear them. It takes the pressure off of me trying to lip read (to which I have become quite adapt). Not only can I lip read, but I learnt to do sign language too, both of which I probably wouldn't have done had I been hearing in both ears.
Looking back, I cannot believe that at one time I was ashamed and embarrassed of my disability. People mistook me for being shy or even rude. I didn’t want to be seen as a weak link and so instead of explaining the misunderstanding. I pretended not to care.  So you understand, it is up to all of us to look beneath the judgements, look beyond the disability, look behind the anger, the bitterness the nonchalance, and not only see, but feel and understand the true soul behind the shields they put up and labels that they are given, because in truth, they could be crying out for recognition, for some piece of verification that they too are worthy enough to contribute to society be it through working, through music, or sport, through art, through making or building, creating, or inventing, we ALL have something to offer.

So I guess with the way my path is going, the way that work is coming my way involving art workshops for adults with learning disabilities, I want to test my words and put them into practice and just because I have been labelled as a resident artist for them, I hope to offer them so much more than just Art because of all the reasons I wrote above and more.
I had a short stint in this area 2yrs ago but I gave it up. I turned down another unrelated but similar opportunity last year so when yet another one came up this year, I decided to take the hint the universe was giving me and accept her challenge.
I will make mistakes, I will feel out my depth at times, I will get things wrong, but the one thing I will always remember is to keep in mind that little 9yr old girl and know in my heart, like I did all those years ago, that somehow, in some way however small, I can make a difference.
And with that thought in mind, what will you do?

Farewell to Summer

 

As I stand beneath the mellowing September sun.
I watch the Swallows swoop down low for their final show.
And amidst the constant drone of combines and bailers;
Fields of gold turn into nothing but memories and hazy dust.
There is a sense of melancholy in the air, our summer is fading;
Our lady so fair.
Her familiar scents of roses & strawberries, cucumber and Pimms;
Will soon be replaced by stewed apples & pickles wood smoke & Port.
But before she bids her final farewells.
She kisses our crowns with her fading rays
And I thank her with a quiet prayer;
For her beauty her splendour and all that she guards.
Her kindness is noted and may she return.

A Letter from Gaia

Image by Raymond Douillet

 

 

A letter from Gaia

 

Listen to me when I tell you, I am Gaia, Your Mother; Earth

In the Lunar days I gave birth to you. As fragments of stardust I nurtured you deep within my womb until the day came for you to enter my world.

The Lunar years were many moons ago now. Together we grew, learnt and evolved.

In partnership we worked in harmony alongside the sun and the moon.
You respected and honoured my body, my soul, my spirit and in return I supplied you with all that you desired.

You believed in me and your faith was unshakable. You worked with my seasons and you gave thanks to my Gods, for you understood that my Gods were not tied to any Religion.

We were so happy together.

But then gradually as centuries came and went, the tides began to change. You started to lose your faith, your desires turned to greed, you began searching until one day you woke up and forgot what you were searching for.

The Magic was lost and as man and woman turned onto one another and looked upon each other as a threat; our feminine and masculine energies separated. The sun & moon, the sky, the sea the rivers the mountains, the hills and the valleys they too became disjointed, disconnected from my lifeline, My Love. Instead you replaced those empty voids with hatred and fear and you react with violence and abuse not realising that I need you all as much as you need me for our survival.

And now we find ourselves here. I am bruised and battered and I am tired of your battles, I am close to the edge and yet still you persist.

I am weary of your darkness, it is heavy and I cannot carry the load for much longer.

But through the tears that I weep, I see Beings of light. At first it was weak, a faint flicker in the abyss, but I fill with pride when I see you have been getting stronger, building in numbers. You are awakening from a deep slumber my dear children.
Don’t be afraid. Many of you are summoning help and help has arrived. Just trust and keep following the light. It is soon to be my time to rest and to heal.
You must set to work now, with a sense of urgency and with Love in your hearts, Now that you understand that I am you and you are me.
We Are Love and together reunited once again, we shall raise our vibrations. You already are. Don’t give up.
I love you.

Your Loving Mother
Earth.